Tarot: 7 of Fire - Being Totally Alive & Awake

I see the monkeys on the roof. The stories about where I was born are burned into my memory.

I must awaken from the dreams of the past - so much hurt - so much pain. I was small - easy to lose track of - the marriage was long gone - I remember him cracking ice for his gin and tonic - I was knee high - I remember looking up to the counter. They all laughed at me as I sat on my own dinner plate after changing the channel. As the youngest I was designated official channel changer. Natalie was there - I love Natalie - I wish I had not abused our love in visiting from Rome. I was young - I drank too much.

When they told me I did not understand - I thought it was a game, a fun thing - but no - soon he moved away something that a divorced father should never do. So I understand it today. Should I live in those memories? NO emphatically not.

There is only now - what am I doing now? I must let my spark explode into a million wondrous crystal cells. I will break up into a million pieces and fly into the sun. I will circle the earth looking lovingly down at all the wonders and horrors that are there. Live in the moment - easier said than done. Be open to joy and love. If I think it - It will come true. I do believe we make up our own universes - I can choose to live in the hurtful past or I can choose to live in the awe inspiring, wondrous and phantasmagorical universe of potential and life.

Tarot: 3 of Water

I am a cup - fill me with your grace. Wine is fine but water will fill me with possibility. Which cup am I? Am I red or green or blue? The sky is dark; water will soon spill onto the beautiful horrific world we live in.

I await the abundance. My crops need water. I will grow all that I can, living in the moment. I have roots. What will I grow into? Slowly I gain strength and soon I will burst into the glorious sunlight. My leaves - deep green and my flowers red, purple, blue and yellow. I am a glorious plant radiant in the warm sun.

Soon the water comes again to quench my thirst. Then the night comes, the mysterious moon reflects down to me. I am calm cool and content. But what is growing inside me? It hurts at first but soon I realize it must be a pearl, a golden pearl. The divers in the sky search me out - they want the golden pearl. They prey on me.

All is glorious but there comes a time when danger alerts. I must retreat into the ocean via the three cups. The water fills me from the golden sources. I pull back and realize the cyclic nature. Soon I will be the water that is filling me now - all will merge. The great oneness of being will show itself. But also from anywhere the divers cause pain and suffering - yet soon all will be growth. I too am a diver: the suffering comes from myself but all will be transformed into beauty love pills. When you take the pills the divers scatter for another day. Perfect Peace Profound.