Against the backdrop he did not know
where he stood - the uncertainty was deafening
will she love him or be a figment of his imagination?
he already had a wonderful thing going but could one
love 2 people at the same time? was there a way to cheat
death live in debauchery and hedonism as he did so many
years ago? get with reality is what she said - you think you
have the gall to wish for unanswerable tendencies?
all you will get is a fantasy - an unrequited call
a worrisome thought and a selfish glutton off the map
and two altogether separate people in the dance
of night - but isn't fantasy more rich and wondrous than reality?
only a god so transfixed in the affairs of others
will call upon the devil to do his work and live his life
being that he only saw her for such a limited time
the days were spent languishing in utter decadence
so beautiful was the inkling - the softness astounded him
together they flew through the air so free and real
up to the stratosphere like an endless glider slowly
easing its way from cloud to cloud - a balance so delicate
and loving it could only be the last resort of the angels
can air be so lovely and caring - did he realize the sanctity
of those first glances? No he did not - just go to your books
and sink your head into the floor - open your mouth so that
the inchworm will catapult itself into the basket of treachery
to be real is the goal not the purpose - look and he will find the great
answers to the questions of dancehall crutches
enter the labyrinth and rise to the endless touch
so full of passion and grace - she will ignore the solution
and ignore the side glances of freedom - all he wished to do was to
hold her in his arms - that would end the scarce treble so hooked
as he was on the end product - But No! it is all in the process
not the result - he wished to be transported into the grave
of unknown saints - to make his plea to the court of wonder and
tragedy - Rise up! Rise up! there is glory in the nights ahead
the nights filled with honey and apples only to spill out into the day
as a corpse in the sun - up to a certain point he could make the
argument that once the dramatic ears of tragedy heard the call
of ten thousand hummingbirds then the wisdom of transcendence
ekes through the pipeline of internal catapults - a life less lived
than thought of - he heard the train coming and was frightened
of the sound of rattling metal - a porous mental picture
soon to be realized as false and futile and rotting
in the end he could just see the outline of her face
the tragic failure of his thoughts and actions seeding the
new penchant for liberty and just causes - will the
monsters be at bay or will they jump start the end of the world?
he will never know just as she will never tell him her secrets
February 24, 2010
January 29, 2010
Wind Hierophant
Hierophant (n) a person who brings religious congregants into the presence of that which is deemed holy
She caught my eye for the last time
in the mist of calling me she broke
I remember the day I first stole a look
We walked and walked covering much potential
Why did I FEEL LIKE RUNNING AWAY?
The second time I saw her figure floating
in pure seasonable heaven
we talked and toppled over one another
I saw the limit would not end the life
gather your shoes and clean the tops
there will be no half truths on earth
happiness and joy please stay
I beg with cup in hand ready for lunch
eat and be merry it is all I live for
friends are the core even if they are
all covered in moss - bust through and
see the light - Water Hierophant set your fire
on my tongue for I cannot speak
she fills me with grace and uncertainty
I am partial and she is whole
she walks toward me and makes a
small hand gesture - I sip another
and fly into excitement won't you caress me?
visions trouble our minds - you call me
in great fear and guilt maybe time
to take another walk - I ran and ran
going only as far as the wind will take me
turn in the statue of Hierophant
will I learn or just skid around in perpetuity
the cart on the tennis court buzzes and careens
next they sold tickets in the false yard
jump and feel the great passion of the falling stone
days and days I walk in the leaves with memories
of god and loneliness "Why Black?!?" she screamed
and I shrank down in insecurity "Some people
have all the potential in the world but never
live up to it" Was she talking to me? - all I see
are lines and codes - I cannot open my mouth
my lips are glued together - M calls forth
"Save me a seat" I look around and do nothing
as usual it all gets worse but that night
the sky was black the stars were pure
and all was right in the world
She caught my eye for the last time
in the mist of calling me she broke
I remember the day I first stole a look
We walked and walked covering much potential
Why did I FEEL LIKE RUNNING AWAY?
The second time I saw her figure floating
in pure seasonable heaven
we talked and toppled over one another
I saw the limit would not end the life
gather your shoes and clean the tops
there will be no half truths on earth
happiness and joy please stay
I beg with cup in hand ready for lunch
eat and be merry it is all I live for
friends are the core even if they are
all covered in moss - bust through and
see the light - Water Hierophant set your fire
on my tongue for I cannot speak
she fills me with grace and uncertainty
I am partial and she is whole
she walks toward me and makes a
small hand gesture - I sip another
and fly into excitement won't you caress me?
visions trouble our minds - you call me
in great fear and guilt maybe time
to take another walk - I ran and ran
going only as far as the wind will take me
turn in the statue of Hierophant
will I learn or just skid around in perpetuity
the cart on the tennis court buzzes and careens
next they sold tickets in the false yard
jump and feel the great passion of the falling stone
days and days I walk in the leaves with memories
of god and loneliness "Why Black?!?" she screamed
and I shrank down in insecurity "Some people
have all the potential in the world but never
live up to it" Was she talking to me? - all I see
are lines and codes - I cannot open my mouth
my lips are glued together - M calls forth
"Save me a seat" I look around and do nothing
as usual it all gets worse but that night
the sky was black the stars were pure
and all was right in the world
January 4, 2010
Nighttime
Deb and I used to run all over the yard
feeling the warm glow of sunshine
we would race into the woods
where phantasms lurked
soon the dusk would come and we would have to
come inside for cottage cheese with mayonaise and ketsup
as the bugs grew bustling the summer have set in
at night we wished for stories to be told
wanting the glory of the day to fill our glasses with peach cider
the house became a grand world of deserts and waterfalls and
jungles and ocean - we would travel halfway across the world to
get to bed - banging my head on the bed frame wanting to stay up just
a little bit longer to see the wonders of the television
often we would eat frozen orange juice and laugh at the pictures
in the small box of light
they would come in and place a scratchy kiss on the forehead
smelling the strange odor of gin and tonic
please tell me a story I don't want to go to bed now
I will tell you the story of Mary and Mory -
now my story is begun - I will tell you another about her brother
and now my story is done
but No! please another
at night the shadows float through the air
and I will sound the whistle of wind just as they did on the westerns
but Anne would call and be done with the sounds
turn the radio on and off with the thoughts
drift slowly into sleep hearing the talk and laughter
from down stairs - what comfort
all is well with the world
feeling the warm glow of sunshine
we would race into the woods
where phantasms lurked
soon the dusk would come and we would have to
come inside for cottage cheese with mayonaise and ketsup
as the bugs grew bustling the summer have set in
at night we wished for stories to be told
wanting the glory of the day to fill our glasses with peach cider
the house became a grand world of deserts and waterfalls and
jungles and ocean - we would travel halfway across the world to
get to bed - banging my head on the bed frame wanting to stay up just
a little bit longer to see the wonders of the television
often we would eat frozen orange juice and laugh at the pictures
in the small box of light
they would come in and place a scratchy kiss on the forehead
smelling the strange odor of gin and tonic
please tell me a story I don't want to go to bed now
I will tell you the story of Mary and Mory -
now my story is begun - I will tell you another about her brother
and now my story is done
but No! please another
at night the shadows float through the air
and I will sound the whistle of wind just as they did on the westerns
but Anne would call and be done with the sounds
turn the radio on and off with the thoughts
drift slowly into sleep hearing the talk and laughter
from down stairs - what comfort
all is well with the world
December 31, 2009
Berlin 1991 - New Year's Eve
He made the call from the apartment of the unknown man. She said she had only stepped into her apartment for an hour. But to his delight he managed to reach her. Memories of her play, the green mask, the play acting filled his heart. He often would dream of her - oh precious Nathalie. He fantasized of her face.
The unknown man’s apartment was sparse filled with only a TV, a bed, a closet, a guitar and a playboy magazine. He paid him for the call. Driving up to the unknown man’s apartment he remained quiet having just parted with Terra on a sour note. It was just like the woman in the opera who came up to John and asked why he was so sad. John did not know haw to respond but said "Yes I am sad."
"Are you missing something or someone?" she asked
John didn't say "I'm always this way.” It reminded John of the game with Chris in Delaware, when they’d say over and over "It all goes back to childhood," he remembered with a smile. Why was the woman so concerned? She seemed to be genuine. John couldn't remember how she left or what she told John. Perhaps she offered a friendly smile or maybe she told him not to worry for it will all turn out OK. He didn't know.
After the call John slept contentedly - anticipating his time with the wondrous Nathalie. The next day John rode the train up to Berlin where he happened on the pour soul of a man who he remembered had no place to stay that Christmas. After the Christmas meal the pour soul boarded a train to a city the other traveler had suggested only to have all his belongings stolen as he slept on the train after confessing his sorrows to a thief. John had no intention of hanging out with the pour soul and quickly exited.
Sometimes it was protocol to hook up with a fellow traveler upon a chance meeting. On the train ride to Berlin John met two Swedish women who seemed very friendly. They spoke to John with perfect English. One had a cold but opened up her bag and sprayed perfume on. Was this a signal John thought in hindsight? John oblivious took out an Ernest Hemingway novel and read. The two women exited the car and came back with a fellow with long hair and tattoos. Had John missed an opportunity? He did not know.
When John got to Berlin he accidently made his way into East Berlin. Finding a tourist booth they instructed John to take the subway back to West Berlin. By this time it was in the middle of the night. John planned to sleep on the subway only at each stop a loud buzzer sounded. In and out of sleep John opened his eyes and saw a man with a bloody nose and lip - John decided to get off. Upon exiting he was delighted to find a gyro stand. Next order of business was to find a place to sleep. He saw an open door above which was a word John thought was German for "room". As he entered he gladly reached a man only to have him start screaming. John left.
John resigned himself to walking through the night. He came upon a large cement courtyard and much to his luck he saw a woman dragging a suitcase. Yes thought John. The woman was going to some place to sleep so John followed. Sure enough she led him to a hotel. John found a person who spoke English, which he found out, in his travels, was not hard to do and asked the price for a room. The price was more than John thought reasonable so he asked if there were any hostels nearby. The man took him aside and gave him a better deal so John took it. The Hotel was large and John was on the 13th floor giving him a nice view of the fireworks for New Years.
As he always did once he found a place to stay in a new city the next order of business was to figure out a way to get around and find the museums. It always filled John with a great sense of adventure. Soon his thoughts turned to Nathalie "Will I be able to recognize her," he wondered even though he often fantasized of her face, a mysterious face filled with promise and magic. John didn't seem to mind being alone for New Years. From his window on New Years John set his camera for a long exposure so that all the fireworks would manifest as lines of light. John felt alive and vital. Soon he would be near Nathalie.
The unknown man’s apartment was sparse filled with only a TV, a bed, a closet, a guitar and a playboy magazine. He paid him for the call. Driving up to the unknown man’s apartment he remained quiet having just parted with Terra on a sour note. It was just like the woman in the opera who came up to John and asked why he was so sad. John did not know haw to respond but said "Yes I am sad."
"Are you missing something or someone?" she asked
John didn't say "I'm always this way.” It reminded John of the game with Chris in Delaware, when they’d say over and over "It all goes back to childhood," he remembered with a smile. Why was the woman so concerned? She seemed to be genuine. John couldn't remember how she left or what she told John. Perhaps she offered a friendly smile or maybe she told him not to worry for it will all turn out OK. He didn't know.
After the call John slept contentedly - anticipating his time with the wondrous Nathalie. The next day John rode the train up to Berlin where he happened on the pour soul of a man who he remembered had no place to stay that Christmas. After the Christmas meal the pour soul boarded a train to a city the other traveler had suggested only to have all his belongings stolen as he slept on the train after confessing his sorrows to a thief. John had no intention of hanging out with the pour soul and quickly exited.
Sometimes it was protocol to hook up with a fellow traveler upon a chance meeting. On the train ride to Berlin John met two Swedish women who seemed very friendly. They spoke to John with perfect English. One had a cold but opened up her bag and sprayed perfume on. Was this a signal John thought in hindsight? John oblivious took out an Ernest Hemingway novel and read. The two women exited the car and came back with a fellow with long hair and tattoos. Had John missed an opportunity? He did not know.
When John got to Berlin he accidently made his way into East Berlin. Finding a tourist booth they instructed John to take the subway back to West Berlin. By this time it was in the middle of the night. John planned to sleep on the subway only at each stop a loud buzzer sounded. In and out of sleep John opened his eyes and saw a man with a bloody nose and lip - John decided to get off. Upon exiting he was delighted to find a gyro stand. Next order of business was to find a place to sleep. He saw an open door above which was a word John thought was German for "room". As he entered he gladly reached a man only to have him start screaming. John left.
John resigned himself to walking through the night. He came upon a large cement courtyard and much to his luck he saw a woman dragging a suitcase. Yes thought John. The woman was going to some place to sleep so John followed. Sure enough she led him to a hotel. John found a person who spoke English, which he found out, in his travels, was not hard to do and asked the price for a room. The price was more than John thought reasonable so he asked if there were any hostels nearby. The man took him aside and gave him a better deal so John took it. The Hotel was large and John was on the 13th floor giving him a nice view of the fireworks for New Years.
As he always did once he found a place to stay in a new city the next order of business was to figure out a way to get around and find the museums. It always filled John with a great sense of adventure. Soon his thoughts turned to Nathalie "Will I be able to recognize her," he wondered even though he often fantasized of her face, a mysterious face filled with promise and magic. John didn't seem to mind being alone for New Years. From his window on New Years John set his camera for a long exposure so that all the fireworks would manifest as lines of light. John felt alive and vital. Soon he would be near Nathalie.
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