Short story

He woke up in the morning achy and withdrawn. School again. Ugh. At breakfast he watched as his mother ate her Cheerios. The sound always bothered him. Crunch. Crunch. Crunch. The silence was deafening. Perhaps it was filled with what was never said. His sister gave a knowing look and quickly moved the Cheerios box to block sight of her. The past night was again filled with the confusing dreams that he could never decipher. This one involved a vacuum that ran over a red carpet all on its own. John looked down the stairs at the vacuum. The image of the vacuum scared him. It was a lucid dream, which was rare for John. He sat down on the stairs and blinked his eyes until he woke up.

John got up from the table annoyed by all the chewing. Why did it bother him so much? Was it the silence - the deafening silence - of nothing - nowhere - empty. John got his books. The dream came back. Why the vacuum? What was so scary about a vacuum? Was it that it ran by itself perhaps run by some ghost or spirit? The night before there had been more dreams. That night red was also the color. He looked down through an open window to a couch covered in red - but the red was moving - blood? Again it scared him to remember.

The air was crisp and biting - John loved these cold mornings. What could he look forward to? Certainly not class. First period was Bible class. He always sat in the same seat just like everyone else. Jim sat across from him. That morning Jim chose to bother John. He moved to the front of the class, everyone still chatting, and wrote on the chalkboard - "John licks the eyelids off the fishes". John sank down in embarrassment as he often did: he did not counter or fight back - it wasn't in his nature. He burned on the inside. But what did it mean? Eyelids? Fish? Do fish even have eyelids? He did not know. The teacher Mr. Smith looked down at John and said "Poor John." It was awkward.

John remembered the first day of class when Mr. Smith asked the class "What do we know about Jesus?" The class went on about the life of Jesus - miracles, sermons, son of God, crucifixion, resurrection. But at the end of class Mr. Smith gave the twist, "We actually don't 'know' anything about Jesus from a factual, 'historical' viewpoint". John rolled his eyes - what a trick he thought.

The class seemed to drag on and John’s mind traveled to soccer practice after school. The Bible did not inspire him at all.

One of the first assignments given by Mr. Smith was to create your own version of the creation of the universe. John wrote about a group of stars that swirled and swirled - giving birth to a race of giants who sang a song and out of their heads popped the first man and woman. It got him a B.

His next class was across the campus. John didn't like all the people - why was saying hello such a struggle? He would rather sit by himself and doodle in his notebook. In English John sat uneasily, hoping not to be noticed. The image of the vacuum came back. It produced a sense of fear and excitement. His heart began to pump as the teachers voice faded into the background. He came back to the surface just as the teacher walked up and took his notebook saying, "Lets see what John has in his notebook." She opened it up and showed the contents to the class. All his copious doodles and class notes where now public. John shrank down oppressed by all the attention. He wanted to run away – to hide in a hole where he would be safe, safe from people. "Maybe I should be a monk,” he thought. But being a monk only in order to escape from life wasn't the greatest motivation. The teacher proceeded to shake Johns notebook so that all he loose papers fell on the floor. "I see you are quite organized", she smiled as the class giggled.

Caroline sat next to John. For most of the past 2 years John had fantasized about Caroline. She was beautiful - dark brown golden skin - brown eyes and attractive. John always tried to be near her. The day before John had seen her cleaning a table after lunch. "Can I help you clean?" he said. She smiled and John’s heart leaped her beautiful face lighting up the room. "I'll scrub this half and you the other" he offered. John lingered after the cleaning hoping to spend more time with Caroline but she just smiled and left.

John fantasized about Caroline all though the 7th grade. He had the courage once to ask her out on a date to the movies. "My father won't let me go on dates," was her answer. His sister had actually locked John in a room and wouldn't let him out until he called Caroline for a date. At a party that year John’s dream came true. They were playing spin the bottle. John prayed "Please let the bottle point to Caroline." His dream came true: he shakily got up crossed the room and kissed her cheek. There is a God he thought. But that was the end of it - nothing ever came of the kiss.

School was hard for John but his sister Anne was a light in his days. She was always cheerful and supportive: he loved her greatly. That night more red dreams. This time the dream was more complex. A man in a red mask was waving a knife, singing at the top of his lungs. A small rabbit ran by. John could read the mind of the man with the red mask as he sang. The song was joyous but what John heard from his mind was quite different. His thoughts said, "Take a cigar and burn your arm." John already had burns on his arms from years ago during a dark time. Why burn? John had no reason why. The urge was sudden and unexplainable.

Tarot Meditation: 4 of Wind

Look upon the heavenly rainbow! It fills me with wonder and awe! I glow like a thousand candles underneath a crystal waterfall. The wolves are calling but I pay no heed - they are out of range. They call to the moon - which is my deity also.

The crystal pool before me is deep and cool. I penetrate the surface. All outside noise and pain fade away and I enter a pristine world of golden blue. What creatures do I see here? There is the octopus which glows pink, the blowfish billowing to itself, the purple stingray and the magnanimous killer whale. These creatures speak to me without voices. I sense their love and compassion. I am on a grand adventure!

Soon streaks of light shine down for it is time for me to surface. As I rise the light becomes more and more brilliant. I surface into a glorious day! I look at my reflection in the water - what attributes do I see? The simplest and most noble is compassion. I must fill my heart with compassion, the compassion I saw in the wondrous creatures of the deep that applies to all creatures of this and other planets. It is through this that I can conquer the world. I feel my friends swimming beneath me - I feel their love. LOVE and COMPASSION these are the greatest.

Nothing Ramble Fool

buttermilk sweet smell 
in the range of night 
eat giant birds for dinner 
all is well in the cave of uncertainty
Please drink of the end of the world 
all the kings horses and all the kings men
raise up your hands and stretch your mind
in the end all inspiration lifts 
call to the beast of burden 
clamor at the sight of dancing 
up in the sky dark clouds are heavy
in the dark shamrock succubus 
angels listen while the first rambling 
of the greater flight 
eeks out of unfamiliar territory
towers loom - the crab must find the path
but the riptide sucks you under
enter the orange sips
organic system wind grateful 
shooting star 
always be conquer swiftly
purple eyes again
sanctuary - peace - grace 
all turn on nothing
spin aimless 
does the sphinx know?
use the rifle tangent 
in the morning wonder face 
the needy with personal discrimination
clouds sink the waffling instant 
can the people see under 
nothing ramble fool 
in the grapefruit sunrise atop the volcano
wish to see lava
but the buddha is covered in pumice 
on the black beach 
a horse with no legs 
I sit on the rocks and draw
play the game
return to the debauch 
lick the sweat from her forehead 
she had her leg over mine 
injustice as he told her not to stay
next bus ride with a smirk
dinner spaghetti ring around the rosie 

Poem: A Transfusion of Grace

Burning
the tooth and claw
yet another day
feel the ocean as you walk
Look and praise the sky
You - one with the purple eyes
let me into your mysteries
the butterfly lives in the
Ephemeral
she gave me such gifts
I must awaken
Blue and White stones are under
my feet
I clasp the wondrous vessel
Two white doves fly straight
Down
they are beside the butterfly
the crackle of snow
Bright Bursting Bubbles
you and I laugh
too
the Fool courses through my veins
a Transfusion of Grace
the blue and white tones again
I wade through the water
Oh great fish what is in
your Belly?
perhaps a license plate
perhaps some directions
perhaps a pencil
perhaps the phantasmagorical
your eyes are full
too
full of awe mystery and time
but what time is it?
time for me to run through the water
not walk
time for me to float through the grass
time for me to listen to
those Blue and White stones
twisting umbilical cords
they move in a labyrinth
Shall I meet he Minataur?
Will Theseus protect me?
soon he will ask:
"where is your case?"
I will answer
but the case is hard to grasp
for on it is the Eye of God
peering at us through the Pyramid
Go Forth
let the uncertainty guide you.