May 26, 2009

Tarot: Water Father - The Essence of My Heart's Desire

That year will live in my memory as the greatest. After that year everything went away - got lost. Going overseas without knowing anyone was a big risk. I'd been miserable - so instead of being miserable in Pittsburgh I could be miserable in Rome. A change in environment would do me good.

My memory is clouded yet seems so clear. It doesn't make sense. Little does. There were times when I felt life so awesomely - so grandly that I could not put words to describe those times. Ineffable. I was on a mission: Stromboli.

My sister Katie flew in for spring break and we rented a car and decided to drive down to Sicily. Such freedom, such powerful experiences. We bought blood oranges and I played my tape of the Indigo Girls over and over again. That album lives in my memory - each time I hear it I am transported back to that miraculous time.

We came to a small town - along the road was a funeral procession - it looked nightmarish yet full of grace. All people in black, moving slowly. In the next town we saw another funeral coming out of a local church. I sat and looked on in reverence.

Next we came to some Roman ruins atop a hill over looking the ocean. The light was so wondrous - I was in a dream - a fantasmagorical dream. Life was one big adventure. Recently Michele and I were in the hot tub witnessing the sunset. "Do you feel it Michele? Do you feel how wondrous everything is?" Michele nodded. "This is how it was every second of every day in Italy - every thing was grand and full of life. Imagine feeling this way all the time." We sat in the hot tub soaking in the intensity. Maybe I am romanticizing that year - but it does not mater - I love it.

Katie and I made it to Sicily and decided to take a boat out to Stromboli - a small volcanic island nearby. Arriving at the dock the locals met us with offers of places to stay. We were approached by a small man with a huge smile. "Rooms?" We followed him up the road to a charming villa. “Breakfast is at 8:30" said the small man as if he were some sort of Italian leprechaun.

We set out to explore the island. "Wasn't there a movie called Stromboli?" we wondered. Immediately an idea arose in my mind - an idea that would obsess me for the next few months. LAVA. I decided I was on a mission to see lava.

That night we ate pizza at a small restaurant ordering another glass of beer. That year was the beginning of my romance with alcohol. Katie said how odd it was to consider getting drunk with her younger brother. After dinner it was twilight and that wondrous feeling came again as it did every day - I was on an adventure! Full of Life! Full of love for the blessings of my existence. I smiled. I was happy.

The next day my obsession with lava intensified. We started on a trail where at the top they said you could look down into the crater. We only made it a short way for Katie had not brought the right shoes and was tired. Down we went - my dream of lava would have to wait.

Next there was the beach, all black sand. I found a small plastic horse. That year I started collecting small objects which would periodically in some way or other make it into my artwork. The horse was missing a few legs – they’d been worn away by the ocean. Years later that horse made it into a series of prints I called "Unknown Fetishes.”

Looking into the ocean we lay on the rocks. The feeling swept through me again - Yes - I was home - home on planet earth - what wonders there are to behold! Alive.

That summer I traveled back to Stromboli. My mission: see lava. The trains were a great part of the adventure. I remember sticking my head out the window of the train - feeling the wind - looking at the ocean, the mountains and towns. Yes! That feeling again. Back in Stromboli I was determined to climb to the summit and look in to find lava. Crestfallen at the top, the only thing I saw was clouds of sulfur. It was late in the afternoon. With clouds all around I descended and came across a view that blew my mind. Emerging from that bank of clouds I saw the sun set as I never had before. Yes! That feeling once again.

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