It came in a sudden flash - what beauty I lived and am living. As Julian of Norwich proclaims - I had a KNOWING. It is a time of reverence and awe when God came down and rested his hand upon my shoulder. Oh great spirit fill me with hope! Hope that will crush my demons. My demons weren't there at that moment for in that moment I saw beyond myself.
Breaking through the looking glass I shattered my image. I was not there any more - I was nothing. The shards of myself falling and falling into the abyss. That is where I dwell at times into the great unknown - the unspeakable - the ineffable. My life is small and great at the same time as is my soul. As an ant I rest. This thought brings great ease to my spirit. As they say I am dust - a mere phantom - From dust I came and to dust I will go. My heart fills with joy at this thought and my worldly problems seem to slip away into the night.
It was that special day - that special moment when I knew my purpose or so I thought - I knew where I came from and where I am going but just as the life of the butterfly - the magic was gone - so beautiful yet so ephemeral. It was grandiose yet tiny - it was the universe yet a single atom. "As above, so below" the wise ones say. Maybe I have an inkling of what this means.
What was the sentence that lifted me to the heights of Heaven in a single moment? My sentence was this, "My art is a search for God." It seems so small when I say it - right now I can only sense a fragment of what I felt at that moment. I pray to God every day to let me into that wonder of wonders once more. I am on a quest - a journey into the unknown. My body rests as my spirit soars.
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