I enter you - you enter me. I fill you up with love while you take my hand and lead me into the forest. In the forest many creatures resound. I hear the Raven - my internal self - it flies into the deep rich blue sky above the trees. I climb the tree to get closer to the infinite. I am reminded of my childhood friend Deb - we used to climb the trees all the time - forget who we are and live as an ancient being - one with the cosmos, singing wondrous love songs. Will I marry you when all the magic stops? Will I still be able to talk with the flowers, spin endlessly on the swing, and run barefoot through the garden?
Our dog Tee-bo jumps sky high - he can fly as he chases the ball. In the sandbox we make delicious mud pies - stack them up and release pleasure and caring through the universe. I ate that wondrous peach: I buried the pit behind the sandbox hoping it would grow miraculously into the ever loving tree of goodness and life. Was it like Adam and Eve? Would the fruit be forbidden like it was for them? Temptation - Evolution - Saturation.
I will grow the tree and each languid humid day I will pick one peach and eat it gloriously - what will God think of that? Perhaps I can grow a garden - till the soil - plant the seeds - watch them grow. Deb and I will dance through the garden with Tee-bo at our sides just like the Fool. Will God let us eat the fruit? Will we sin and be banished out of our wondrous garden? There will be plants of every size and shape - all the colors of the rainbow will burst forth - all will be glorious until the snake.
Will the snake eat its tail or will it direct us to the sacred knowledge? The snake whispers enticingly. We listen in rapt attention. I do not wish to leave. I look at my body and am ashamed - Deb looks at her naked body and turns away. The angel with the flaming sword directs us out. I wish to play - to jump - to scream joy and passion but now it is time to leave. "Never forget," is the command of God. "Go in peace - meditate on what you have lost and what you have gained. Wake up each morning with the sun dazzling your eyes and filling you with the ineffable sense of belonging and loving."
Deb and I step carefully, drift away from our beloved garden. I wake up feel the humid air, "Never forget" rings in my ears. I take Deb’s hand and we smile. It is time to dance - we shout and yelp jumping endlessly in the air. Soon we fly leaving the earth. Perhaps we can catch the chariot as it pulls the sun across the sky. We grow feathers and are no longer human. All is now - there is no past no future there is only now.
Soon I see my grandmother sipping tea and eating asparagus. She smiles and opens the door to Mercury - Hermes - Thoth. Thoth bring the fire, brings the knowledge. His winged feet carry him as we enter his domain. All my friends are floating through the door also. We decide to have a party - everyone is flapping their wings laughing and experiencing joy. The memory of the garden holds Deb in my mind for an instant but then we forget and laugh some more with the people we love.
"Go in Peace," says God. "I have given you all that you will need," he smiles. Deb and I go back to the party - we hold hands and sing songs. "Never forget," says God - but it is too late - we have already forgotten.
March 25, 2009
Tarot: 5 of Wind - The Right Way to Move
Crawl out of your cave! You have been hibernating too long! Spring is here - a time of joy laughter and play. Why so serious? Don't you realize there is much love wonder and awe in the world? I know we live in a horrifically wondrous time.
Seize the Day! Simple pleasures are the best! Without pain there is no pleasure. Observe - Listen - Meditate. Don't let the demons control your mind. Fill your mind with dreams of bright, radiant colors. Let the colors fill the path of the demons so the demons stumble and eventually fall. See them small alone and tired!
Once the demons are down spray them with fun - cover them with laughter - immerse them with joy! These ideas eat away at the demons so that they fall into a pool of memories that can be visited now and again.
Where will I move? I move to a place where Love is the glorious law. Take a look at the sky. Van Gogh once said that he never tired of looking at the sky. Simple pleasures are the best. I will stroll down the street and look at the sky. PEACE. The demons will always be there - this is a fact. But approached from the right angle demons can be turned into butterflies.
Seize the Day! Simple pleasures are the best! Without pain there is no pleasure. Observe - Listen - Meditate. Don't let the demons control your mind. Fill your mind with dreams of bright, radiant colors. Let the colors fill the path of the demons so the demons stumble and eventually fall. See them small alone and tired!
Once the demons are down spray them with fun - cover them with laughter - immerse them with joy! These ideas eat away at the demons so that they fall into a pool of memories that can be visited now and again.
Where will I move? I move to a place where Love is the glorious law. Take a look at the sky. Van Gogh once said that he never tired of looking at the sky. Simple pleasures are the best. I will stroll down the street and look at the sky. PEACE. The demons will always be there - this is a fact. But approached from the right angle demons can be turned into butterflies.
March 21, 2009
Tarot: 9 of Fire - Spiritual Revelation
I once thought I had heard from God - Julian of Norwich says that there are two ways to know God directly - that is feel his presence in our lives: the first is called a "Showing" which means an actual visual image appears to the contemplative - or to any one; then there is what she calls a "Knowing" which is touching God through your mind - internally. I believe I have a vague remembrance that I once had a Knowing but the memory has faded.
I often wonder about my memory - sometimes it is in one ear and out the other. It is interesting to note a session I had with my Dr. I had just watched a great DVD on Kabbalah and I wanted to share it with her. As I started to talk I couldn't - I was blocked and sat in silence - completely without any thought to the DVD. I had been profoundly moved by the DVD but the thoughts would not come. Finally as minutes had passed in silence it all came to me and rushed out in great order.
I often am aware of my bad memory - maybe it just takes more time for me to access information. Sometimes I think my sister Katie knows more about my history than I do. So what was my Knowing? Did it have to do with my art? ART - the love of my life - my passion - my beloved. Maybe my Knowing had to do with my confirmation as an Episcopalian in 2004. The Knowing may have been tied to this decision.
I think this is coming up for I am questioning my faith. What I am most passionate about is not Christianity but all that I read about Tarot and Kabbalah. These ideas fill me with wonder awe and inspiration. There are flashes of this same feeling associated with Christianity but they are often embedded in dryness. Mostly what I feel is confusion. Like the phrase - the more you learn the less you know. I am feeling the full impact of that phrase right now. Did Julian of Norwich have these feelings? I may never know - perhaps some reading is in order to find out more of the wondrous Julian.
I once became enthused about the Saints - I bought a Saint book and was fascinated by all the different - often times violent and gory - stories found there. Then I had a new inspiration - a group of Saint woodcuts. There was a lot to choose from - their lives, what they were the patron saint of and the symbols associated with them. I chose Anthony of Egypt first. I analyzed St. Anthony. I let the info move me so that my intuition and imagination could take over. Deciding to do a small linocut I dove into the process. I had a printmaking professor who said that printmaking is an ocean and one must dive in with one’s whole body and then one will see if one sinks or swims. I worked hard to make the print work but it didn't. I looked at the finished piece and knew quickly that it was a failure. I even tried painting the print to give it a stained glass affect but it still did not work. I had failed.
I often wonder about my memory - sometimes it is in one ear and out the other. It is interesting to note a session I had with my Dr. I had just watched a great DVD on Kabbalah and I wanted to share it with her. As I started to talk I couldn't - I was blocked and sat in silence - completely without any thought to the DVD. I had been profoundly moved by the DVD but the thoughts would not come. Finally as minutes had passed in silence it all came to me and rushed out in great order.
I often am aware of my bad memory - maybe it just takes more time for me to access information. Sometimes I think my sister Katie knows more about my history than I do. So what was my Knowing? Did it have to do with my art? ART - the love of my life - my passion - my beloved. Maybe my Knowing had to do with my confirmation as an Episcopalian in 2004. The Knowing may have been tied to this decision.
I think this is coming up for I am questioning my faith. What I am most passionate about is not Christianity but all that I read about Tarot and Kabbalah. These ideas fill me with wonder awe and inspiration. There are flashes of this same feeling associated with Christianity but they are often embedded in dryness. Mostly what I feel is confusion. Like the phrase - the more you learn the less you know. I am feeling the full impact of that phrase right now. Did Julian of Norwich have these feelings? I may never know - perhaps some reading is in order to find out more of the wondrous Julian.
I once became enthused about the Saints - I bought a Saint book and was fascinated by all the different - often times violent and gory - stories found there. Then I had a new inspiration - a group of Saint woodcuts. There was a lot to choose from - their lives, what they were the patron saint of and the symbols associated with them. I chose Anthony of Egypt first. I analyzed St. Anthony. I let the info move me so that my intuition and imagination could take over. Deciding to do a small linocut I dove into the process. I had a printmaking professor who said that printmaking is an ocean and one must dive in with one’s whole body and then one will see if one sinks or swims. I worked hard to make the print work but it didn't. I looked at the finished piece and knew quickly that it was a failure. I even tried painting the print to give it a stained glass affect but it still did not work. I had failed.
March 12, 2009
Tarot: 8 of Water - Being Love, Contemplating its Existence
I sometimes think of those days in the summer - the heat and humidity so oppressive. The sound of crickets at night. I love the sound of the fan at night. It reminds me of my happiest memories. Each summer from the time I was a toddler until I was sixteen years old we would all pack in the car and drive down to the beach in Delaware. Beautiful Delaware - Luscious Delaware. It was always so exciting for me as we neared the condominium. Rising over the bridge - yes I can feel it now. My sister Anne and I would always be stuck in the back of the station wagon - we didn't mind - it was all a grand adventure.
We would always stop in Bethany Beach to buy blowup rafts. It was such a joy to ride the waves on the rafts - the water so refreshing. The crabs under our feet we tried to warn of our presence by stomping our feet. I never knew if this worked or not. Then there were the innumerable sand castles - "mudsopolis" we would call them. Stretching from the water all the way up the beach the endless castles. We would take shovels and dig near the water until the pit filled with water. We created what we called "dribble castles" - taking wet sand in our hands we would "dribble" the mud slowly from our hands creating ornate creations.
At night we all had fans - the sound of the fan was always so soothing. To this day I still turn on the fan at night - even in winter whenever possible. It reminds me of waking up in the morning hearing the fan anticipating such a relaxed time - hearing the tennis ball being hit early in the morning. Those were the happiest times in my life. So now I need the fan to sleep peacefully. The sound of the fan symbolizes the carefree, wondrously relaxed and joyful time in Delaware. All we did was go to the beach eat and read books. Tower Shores - we would always go there for ice cream - we never wore shoes - we played everywhere. I remember at dusk just before dinner we would run and experience the grand presence of the ocean. For two or three weeks each summer I was in heaven - memories I cherish. So now it is part of my sleeping ritual - I always turn on the fan even in the cold just so I can hear its soothing sounds and transport me to that happy time.
We would always stop in Bethany Beach to buy blowup rafts. It was such a joy to ride the waves on the rafts - the water so refreshing. The crabs under our feet we tried to warn of our presence by stomping our feet. I never knew if this worked or not. Then there were the innumerable sand castles - "mudsopolis" we would call them. Stretching from the water all the way up the beach the endless castles. We would take shovels and dig near the water until the pit filled with water. We created what we called "dribble castles" - taking wet sand in our hands we would "dribble" the mud slowly from our hands creating ornate creations.
At night we all had fans - the sound of the fan was always so soothing. To this day I still turn on the fan at night - even in winter whenever possible. It reminds me of waking up in the morning hearing the fan anticipating such a relaxed time - hearing the tennis ball being hit early in the morning. Those were the happiest times in my life. So now I need the fan to sleep peacefully. The sound of the fan symbolizes the carefree, wondrously relaxed and joyful time in Delaware. All we did was go to the beach eat and read books. Tower Shores - we would always go there for ice cream - we never wore shoes - we played everywhere. I remember at dusk just before dinner we would run and experience the grand presence of the ocean. For two or three weeks each summer I was in heaven - memories I cherish. So now it is part of my sleeping ritual - I always turn on the fan even in the cold just so I can hear its soothing sounds and transport me to that happy time.
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